Guilt

I’ll never forget that day or the next four days.This day started out just like every other day. I woke up and got my 8 month old son changes, feed and dressed and ready for the day. I showered and got ready for work. I was lucky on most days I could take my son with me and this day was no different. I worked all day came home did the normal things. After I put my son to bed I called my mom and step dad to ask my mom if she would babysit the next day because we were supposed to be busy at work. My mom told me that she didn’t want to that she just wanted to have the day to herself. I was mad and we argued. I was so mad at her that I hung up on her and then went to bed. About 4: 30am I remember being woke up by my grandparents telling me to come out into the living room with them they needed to talk to me. When we got out in the living room both of my roommates were sitting on the couch, which I thought was odd. My grandfather asked me to have a set and he proceeded to tell me that my mother had had a heart attack and they didn’t think she make it. My roommates kept my son and my grandparents and I left for the hospital. That was the longest 35 minutes of my life. When we got to the hospital my step dad was there waiting to here from the doctor. About 15 minuets later the doctor can out to tell us that my mom was gone. I remember I fell back in my chair a screamed and cried. The doctor asked us if we wanted to see her and I remember thinking that I needed to see her to make sure that it was really her and that the doctor hadn’t make a mistake. When we got back there I had to touch her so I knew. This was February 11th three days before Valentines day! We had to wait till February 15th to have her funeral due to Valentines day! Now my brothers, my step dad and myself we don’t celebrate Valentines day. We basically act like it doesn’t exist! I know it’s been almost 19yrs but I still have the guilt of hanging up on her and saying the stupid mean things I did and never telling her that I loved her one last time.

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